


I am Hissrad

by SerStolas



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, M/M, Spoilers, Trespasser DLC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 06:02:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8786005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerStolas/pseuds/SerStolas
Summary: He has two identities at war in his head, Hissrad and the Iron Bull.  The further he gets from the Qun, the longer he is away, the less he feels like Hissrad and the more he feels the Iron Bull.  Then he gets his orders to join the Inquisition.  His work with the Inquisition will define who and what he really is in the end.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [slambam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slambam/gifts).



Seheron is hell. Fog warriors, spies, innocents, Vints, it all mixes together into a bloody mess more often than not. Hissrad finds himself killing people he likes, people he was beginning to care about. One day he loses it in the middle of a fight, ends up killing another Qunari. 

He has two choices, he can try and run, become Tal Vashoth, something wild, something he abhors, or he can turn himself in for reeducation. He needs order. The Qun makes order out of chaos. He choses to turn himself in, it's what he's been taught his whole life that he is supposed to do.

He spends months under the careful watch of the Qun, being retaught, retrained. Eventually, they deem him ready to go back into the field. Hissrad is assigned to Orlais. He's ordered to blend in, spy on everyone, get what information he can for the Qun. 

He becomes a mercenary. He gives himself the name The Iron Bull. That and his size impress people, he frightens people. Sometimes he doesn't even have to fight someone to make them back down, he can just give them a look, and they'll back down. It's good, it works.

He joins a small band, but eventually infighting leads him to create his own band, one that will actually look out for each other. The Qun believes in sacrificing the one for the good of all. He finds people he knows will work well together, people who will support each other, the way they are supposed to.

He saves Krem from a group of Vints trying to kill him. Hissrad has always hated Vints. He loses an eye, but it's worth it because Krem strikes him as a good man, a good weapon. He convinces Krem to join his band. Eventually they name themselves the Bull's Chargers. It's an impressive name, and they make an impressive name for themselves. 

The Chargers are good tools. They know what they're doing, they work well together. It's the way things should be, according to the Qun. But sometimes he finds himself falling into the the role of the Iron Bull more than Hissrad. Years go by and he has little contact from the Qun other than his occasional reports. More and more, he is the Iron Bull. He likes being the Iron Bull. It lets him do things he could never do under the Qun, but he always has an excuse when Hissrad surfaces. He tells himself he's playing up the role of mercenary, and Hissrad lies quiet for years.

Then Templars and Mages start fighting. It's weird and it sets the Qun on edge. Even worse, then the sky splits open and demons pour out. Really weird shit starts happening.

Then he receives a message from the Qun. This thing, the Inquisition, has formed, to take care of the hole in the sky. He is ordered to join them and help close the hole, and to report on the good or bad this Inquisition does. It could become a problem in the future.

It begins with the offer. The Inquisition will hire the Bulls Chargers, Hissrad, or the Iron Bull as everyone else calls him, will give detailed reports about the Inquisition to the Ben Hassrath, and in return, he'll give information from the Ben Hasrath to the Inquisition. Everybody wins.

It isn't for Hissrad to question the order to get close to the Herald. He regards the Tal Vashoth mage in front of him. The man should be a saarebas, but this isn't the Qun. At least the Tal Vashoth appears to have some control, that's more than he can say for some other mages he's encountered.

So he and the Chargers go to Haven with this Herald, and he watches. He answeres the Tal Vashoth's questions more or less honestly, he has no reason not to right now, the Qun has ordered him to get close to this man, so he will. When you want to gain someone's trust, you don't start out by telling them lies. Half truths perhaps, but not lies.

Occasionally Hissrad has struggled over the years with his dual identity, that of the Iron Fucking Bull and Hissrad. Out here in the world, he puts forth the Iron Bull. He hires mercenaries, he drinks, he gambles, he sleeps with barmaids. It's what people expect a mercenary to do, so he plays the part, and he plays if very well.

He has never lied to the Iron Bull's men about what he is, and for many years, it has never caused any problems. Helping Krem struck a blow against Vints, so of course he helps the man. He helps the others too in his own way...Rocky and Dalish. It gives them a feeling of comradely, it makes them feel they have a place to belong.

Sometimes he gets caught up in all of it. He finds he likes the drinking and wenching. He likes the sense of control he has over the Chargers, but he also likes being around them. And in the Qun, he can't enjoy red heads the way he does out here.

The Herald is a red head, he notices, when they first meet. He likes that. The man is tall, almost as tall as he is. If they were fucking he'd be just the right height to bend over the desk and..

Hissrad stops that thought. Screwing a Tal Vashoth? If the Qun ordered it, sure, but otherwise? And not just a Tal Vashoth, but a fucking mage. 

But, the Iron Bull argues, the man is attractive. 

Eh, they have business to attend to anyway. The Herald seems to like having Bull along for various missions. They work well together, the Herald turning people to ice and Bull cleaving them in two. Maybe life outside the Qun isn't so bad. He gets his reports, and he still sends his reports in, it's useful for everyone, but occasionally he finds himself entertaining ideas of what it would be like to live like this, actually live as a mercenary and not just play the part.

The Elder One, that Vint Darkspawn Asshole, attacks Haven then. Bull finds he's a bit worried when the Herald vanishes under all that rubble. He wants to find the man, but he has a responsbility to report on the Inquisition to the Qun, not just the Herald. So he goes with everyone else, he helps them survive in the mountains, helps them make camp. That's what he's supposed to do. Get close to the Inquisition leaders, report on them, so he does. 

Then the Herald appears from the dark. Somehow the man survived. Bull is fairly impressed. The Herald's pretty tough. 

They find Skyhold. That weird bald elf, Solas, leads the Herald to it. Then the Herald is named the Inquisitor. Now he really is the power behind the organization. He receives a report to keep a close eye on this mage, make sure he doesn't get out of control, make sure his goals align with that of what the Qun wants and needs. 

The Inquisitor is flirting with him now. He finds he likes it. He actually has dreams about what it would be like to pound into the man, feel his bare flesh against his own. He wants the Inquisitor. The Iron Bull wants the Inquisitor. Hissrad suggests caution. The man is still a mage, he is still at risk for being possessed.

But the Iron Bull likes him. Then they kill the dragon, and it's fucking fantastic. He really wants the man now. He's seen the raw power the Inquisitor possesses, and how the Inquisitor controls himself. He's always in control. Bull wonders what it would be like to see him come apart and submit.

Another messages comes from the Qun, from the Ben Hassrath. 

The Qun is offering an alliance, an actual alliance with an outside force. Hissrad, the Iron Bull, is blown away. He's never heard of the Qun doing this.

So he presents the offer to the Inquisitor. The man isn't stupid, and he accepts. So they go to the Storm Coast.

He sees Gatt for the first time in years. Evidently the elf went for reeducation too. Smart man, Hissrad thinks, though the Iron Bull wonders about that, in the back of his mind.

He hates dreadnought runs, he always has, but it's necessary, Gatt is right about that. Reluctantly, the Iron Bull sends the Chargers to deal with the Vints.

He finds himself worrying about his men, his Chargers. They are the Iron Bull's men. They're his friends. He's lost a man now and then in the past, but he could potentially lose everyone, and he feels a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He doesn't want to lose the Chargers.

Hissrad says that they're good tools, they're doing what is required. If they are lost, they can be replaced. Anyone can be replaced.

There's the dreadnought, it's going to deal with the lyrium...but then the Vints are breaking through. They're going to slaughter the chargers and sink the Dreadnought. 

The Chargers, the Chargers are going to die if the Iron Bull doesn't blow that horn and tell them to retreat.

But then the Dreadnought will be lost. He fights with himself. Gatt tells him to let the Chargers go, they have to save the Dreadnought. The Qun, the Ben Hassrath are already starting to doubt him, they're beginning to think he is Tal Vashoth. He cannot possibly be Tal Vashoth.

The Inquisitor gives him the guidance, the direction he needs. The Inquisitor, face grim, tells him to save the Dreadnought.

The Chargers are overun. He hears their screams as they burn.

They were good tools, Hissrad thinks to himself. He will remember them as the excellent tools they were.

The Alliance is sealed.

When they return to Skyhold, Gatt gives him another order from the Ben Hassrath. Get close to the Inquisitor, as close as he possibly can. Seduce the Inquisitor, make sure he stays controlled, in control, and gets that hole in the sky closed.

The Inquisitor stands with him as he spreads the ashes of the Chargers. He remembers them as good tools. The Inquisitor actually seems upset, but he reminds the man the Chargers died doing what was necessary.

Order out of Chaos. The One for the Many.

So he seduces the Inquisitor as he's told to. He makes the man think he loves him. He truly becomes Hissrad again. The Iron Bull is just a mask, just a face he wears to get the job done.

He sleeps with the Inquisitor, he convinces the man to give up control in the bedroom. Their activities in the bedroom teach the man to let go in a safe place, rather than out of the battlefield where he could lose control of his mage. It's for the good of everyone.

The Inquisitor is an excellent tool. He does what is necessary to gather power, and he finally closes the hole in the Sky. He kills the Darkspawn Vint, the world is safe again.

Hissrad stays awhile longer, keeping an eye on the Inquisitor, then he's called to the Qun for awhile. He lets them reeducate him again, he lets them ensure his loyalty to the whole, to the Qun.

He returns to the Inquisition with orders to maintain watch in the Inquisitor while the man mops up the rifts and deals with minor problems. The Inquisition is a good tool, they get a lot done.

Then things go sideways. It is decided the south must be brought under the heel of the Qun. He receives he new orders from the Ben Hassrath. As the Qunari invade through the elven mirrors, he is to get close to the Inquisitor, and if the man gets in the way, he is to kill him.

So he plays along. He plays the dutiful lover, he pretends nothing has changed between him and the man. He is Hissrad. He is liar, deceiver. 

He wonders if the man suspects something, when he is left behind, but it doesn't matter...when the man goes to deal with the Qunari, Hissrad is there. He has his orders. It isn't anything personal, he just has a job to do. It's a pity, really. The Inquisitor has been a good tool, but all tools lose their edge, sometimes they have to be melted down and reforged.

The man can't be reforged, though. So he must be destroyed.

And as the Inquisitor freezes him in ice one final time, he looks into the man's eyes, and reflects they were both good tools...perhaps the Inquisitor was sharper than he was. 

And then all he knows is darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> I will personally never, ever sacrifice the Chargers. This was written as a response to the wonderful Slambam's "the man he became." What if you saved the dreadnought in Demands of the Qun, how would it effect the Iron Bull and his actions?


End file.
